Funny Quotes/Sayings

[Freeforall]

List them :)

I found one saying "I don't need twitter, I'm already following you"

[11clock]

Here are some from Jerry Seinfeld.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. "Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here."

The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

How do they know that that is the definite exact day? You know they don't say like it's in the vicinity, give or take, roughly, they brand it right in the side of the cart! That's your God damn day right there! Oh don't screw with us, we know what day is the final day! and then it is sooo over. Maybe cows tip them off when they are milking them? "July third"...